After body language and voice tone, we finally come to words. Most of us erroneously view words as the core of communication, leading to another flawed assumption: more words = more communication. 

Let’s analyze this error in a little more detail. 

Less is more

Think back to the last time you were on the receiving end of a one-sided conversation. During that time, the other person threw thousands upon thousands of words at you.

So, how many of those do you remember?

Very little, right? Most probably, you recall a feeling of annoyance, boredom, or even some anxiety much more clearly than any of the content. 

Now think back to a conversation that meant a lot to you. Chances are that the other person didn’t talk all that much. And yet, your memory of this conversation probably contains plenty of useful information supported by some positive emotional undertones. 

These thought experiments illustrate a simple principle: If you want people to like you and/or take your words seriously, you should talk less, not more. 

Another bucket analogy

We’ve already talked a lot about the bucket and dipper analogy applied to relationships. Well, here’s an interesting extension that applies directly to communication.

The moment you start talking, you spring a small leak in the other person’s emotional bucket. And as long as you keep droning on, this leak slowly empties their bucket.

This is why someone with a good heart who talks a lot without saying much can actually go around unintentionally emptying people’s buckets. You probably know such a person. 

There’s nothing you can do to stop this bucket leak. Your only option is to ensure that the entire communication experience (body language, voice tone, and words from both parties) fills their bucket faster than your word leak empties it. 

As a general guideline, always make sure you concentrate as much goodness and insight into as few words as possible. 

Listen to learn, not to jump in

We’ve all been in those conversations where it becomes more about finding a speaking gap than about communicating. Similar to the one-sided conversation mentioned earlier, we generally go away from such exchanges with more negative emotions than useful insights. 

Don’t get drawn into such word battles. The person who wins in terms of producing the most words generally loses in terms of the impact all those words had on his listeners. 

Instead, focus on really hearing what the other person says. This will allow you to concentrate the maximum goodness and insight into your smaller number of words. 

Conversations are not competitions, but if they were, this would be the winning strategy 😉