Yesterday’s post discussed how body language and voice tone are more important than words in verbal communication. Today, we’ll take a closer look at body language. 

Open or closed

Body language can be broken down in endless detail, but most of it is used to communicate an open or closed (defensive) attitude. 

Here are some common open/closed body gestures I extracted from “The Definitive Book of Body Language,” all the way head to toe:

• Raised/lowered eyebrows
• Dilated/constricted pupils (subconscious gesture)
• Smile with/without showing teeth
• Infrequent/frequent hand-to-face gestures
• Shoulders and chest turned toward/away
• Leaning in/away
• Arms Uncrossed/crossed in front of the torso (one or both arms)
• Palms turned up/down
• Palms visible/hidden
• Uncrossed/crossed legs
• Still/restless feet

Gesture clusters and context

One or two of these gestures in isolation don’t mean anything. There can be all sorts of contextual reasons for open people to display seemingly closed body language. 

Tightly crossed arms and legs might just signal that someone is cold. A frequent nose rub might be nothing but an itch. And someone tapping his foot to music is certainly not defensive. 

That’s why we need a cluster of at least three congruent body language signals to discern a given attitude. 

For example, if someone is displaying three or more of the defensive gestures outlined above and there is no other contextual explanation, you can just as well stop talking. Your words are not getting through and, if anything, they’re having the opposite of the intended effect. 

Defusing defensiveness

We have already discussed the importance of not getting defensive in relationships. Defensiveness makes it almost impossible to reach a good compromise or win-win solution. 

If you see a strong cluster of defensive body language, shift your focus to restoring an open mindset. 

Start with opening up your own body language.

If you are sending out defensive signals, you’ll also put the other person on the defensive. Opening up in all the ways outlined above can completely change the tone of the conversation. 

If your body language is open, but the other person remains closed, you have several options: 

1. Stop the conversation or move to another topic, planning to try again at a later time when the other person is more receptive.
2. Trick them into more open body language. For example, giving them something to hold is a good way to open crossed arms. 
3. Ask them (with completely open body language) to share what is bothering them. 
4. When talking to someone close to you, you could even ask them directly to open up their body language. This strange request by itself will already shift the mood. 

Openness to new ideas

Open body language not only makes you more approachable; it opens your entire thought process. This makes a positive outcome from any conversation much more likely.

Try it next time you feel yourself getting defensive. It’s a fascinating experience!

Such openness to new ideas, even those that go against your preconceived notions, will serve you well in life. Openness is particularly valuable when working in the multidisciplinary teams required to do exciting things in today’s complex world.

Closed body language is rarely needed

There are some circumstances when closed body language is the right response. 

For example, if someone is acting really poorly or displaying great prejudice, closed body language is useful for signaling your disapproval. Often, the better option is simply to leave. 

Also, being artificially open to someone you strongly disagree with or dislike can send the wrong signals, causing all sorts of awkward misunderstandings. 

But in the majority of cases, open body language is the way to go. 

Try it out! I think you’ll like it 🙂