criticism

Schalk
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Recap: The Art of Bucket Filling

Relationships happen one interaction at a time. If the vast majority of those interactions are positive, the relationship will blossom. If too many are negative, it will wither and die. 

This week’s posts revolved around a simple concept to help maximize the positivity. 

The checklist

  • How full is your bucket?
    • Each of us has an emotional bucket and dipper. If our buckets are filled, we feel great. If they’re emptied, less so. 
    • Our mission is simply to add at least a few drops to the other person’s bucket in every interaction. 
    • And the best thing is that filling another bucket also fills our own. 
  • 9 great ways to fill a bucket.
    • Smile, add humor, complement, praise, give, express gratitude, listen, show interest, and validate. 
    • Consistently deploying these bucket-fillers needs plenty of practice. 
  • 7 great ways to empty a bucket. 
    • Sulk, scream, belittle, neglect, forget, gossip and destructively criticize. 
    • Mostly, we know all too well when we’re emptying buckets. Stop. 
  • The art of constructive criticism. 
    • Constructive criticism is essential for personal and professional growth. Learning how to give and take it is a crucial life skill. 
    • Get the timing right, don’t get personal, communicate your intent to help, and know when to stop. 

The simplicity of the bucket philosophy makes it quite easy to keep in your awareness as you go through your daily interactions. This awareness is all that’s needed. 

Give it a try, one interaction at a time. 

Schalk
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The Art of Constructive Criticism

Life is complicated. Humans are complicated. As a result, it’s not uncommon for us to head down the wrong track, often for irrationally long periods of time. 

In these situations, constructive criticism can be one of the best gifts we can give each other. 

But doing this right is tricky, real tricky. Here’s a brief outline of what has worked for me in the past. 

Make sure your critique is warranted

Before even considering criticizing, make very sure your viewpoint is correct and that your critique can really help the other person.

We are very easily blinded by our own egos or prejudices. So, before you dive in, do you best to think through it from the other person’s point of view. 

Giving constructive criticism

Before starting, make sure the timing is right.

If someone is already in a highly defensive state, chances are that your constructive feedback will not be well received. Rather wait until a point where they are more open. 

When that time comes, be sure to adhere to the first rule of constructive criticism: never launch any personal attacks.

Keep the focus squarely on the thing that needs fixing and stay away from the other person’s character. Showing some vulnerability through a topical personal anecdote can help a lot here. 

Second, be sure to clearly communicate your intent to help. 

Tell the other person how you think their life can improve if they make the change you’re suggesting. 

Third, know when to stop. 

There’s no need to repeat your point ten times. And if you sense the other person is getting defensive, just leave the idea to simmer. In my experience, such feedback often takes some time to sink in.

Receiving constructive criticism

Constructive critique is key to your success in today’s world. If you’re never criticized, I’m afraid you’re unlikely to ever get anything special done. 

For this reason, it’s crucial to open yourself up to critique. Ask people for honest feedback and be fully open to what they tell you.  

It could sting in the moment, but if it puts you on a clearly better path, that sting will quickly fade away.