stuttering

I’ve had a blessed life, that’s for sure. So many things went right: good parents, a secure childhood, solid genes, excellent education…

But life wasn’t always sunshine and roses. Many things went wrong, some of them quite badly. And weirdly enough, those were the ones that ended up helping me even more.

Apparently, this phenomenon of benefitting from misfortune is fairly common. Shawn Achor calls it “falling up.” When life really hurts, it’s easy to see only dark clouds. But if you keep a keen eye out for silver linings, you may well end up falling upwards to wonderful new heights.

So, without further ado, here are my top three falling-up stories.

1. A Stutterer’s Life

I’ve stuttered for as long as I can remember. At the surface, stuttering looks like a simple speech impediment. At its core, however, stuttering handicaps a central part of the human experience: connection.

For fluent speakers, talking is psychologically rewarding. It helps people depressurize emotionally and organize their complex inner worlds. Well, for us stutterers, it’s often exactly the opposite. Psychological pressure builds and builds, but you cannot get it out. It’s a terrible feeling.

In my case, this often caused me to shut myself off from life. And all the while, anxiety was building about my future out there in the big, bad world.

Luckily, my dear (and deeply concerned) mom found a solution at just the right time: the McGuire Program.

McGuire didn’t cure my stutter, but it did get me out of my shell. More importantly, it got me started on a lifelong personal development journey.

We’ll never know what my life would have been like if my mom never found that course. But so many good things happened after that turnaround that I can be nothing but grateful.

How stuttering improves my life:

Today, I have a surprisingly good-natured relationship with my stutter. In fact, I’ve discovered many unexpected benefits to this handicap:

• You become a specialist. My ability to focus on what I’m good at is responsible for most of my success in life. Without a stutter to limit my options, this focus would not have been possible.
• You learn to write. Speaking is easy. Writing is hard. But most spoken words live only a few seconds, whereas written words often live forever. Stuttering makes writing a necessity, shaping a precious skill.
• You’re drawn to other forms of expression. There are many alternatives to speaking besides the written word. Music soon emerged as my favorite, and it has been enriching my life since childhood.
• You don’t waste words. Fluent speakers often talk a lot and say very little, quickly losing their audience. To a stutterer, words are expensive, so you naturally pack as much meaning into each one as possible.
• You speak the truth. I can’t remember the last time I lied. But I remember several instances of wanting to lie and realizing that my stutter would make me sound so awkward that no one would believe me.
• You learn to listen. I’m often surprised by the things people confide in me. I guess they sense that I can never betray their confidence, but it also helps that my stutter made me a pretty good listener.
• You’re forced to stay calm. Stuttering is an emotional minefield, but getting all worked up only makes it worse. Over time, this trained me to keep my cool under almost any circumstance.
• You stay modest. I’ve been almost fluent at several points in my life. But each time, I noticed something troubling: I became a bit of a jerk. It seems like I need my stutter to remain a genuinely nice guy.
• You learn to collaborate effectively. An ambitious person who cannot speak well must collaborate with people who can. This skill of shaping mutually beneficial relationships has far-reaching benefits.
• You’re driven to optimize life. If my life is a stressful mess, my stutter goes haywire. Thus, I have no choice but to keep things in order. This is a major driving force behind the near-perfect life I enjoy today.

The broader benefits of a handicap:

If someone were to offer me the perfect cure for stuttering, I honestly don’t think I’d take it. Not only has this handicap greatly enriched my life, but I’ve also managed to shape my affairs so that it rarely bothers me. Hence, a cure could well cost me more than I would gain.

Many of the benefits listed above could also apply to other disabilities. The freedom to pursue anything you want is not necessarily a good thing, and much good can come from the way a handicap forces you to adapt.

The key is to make a firm decision to embrace the situation and make the best of it. That’s when all the unexpected benefits start showing up.

2. A Cancer Scare

I went through my first course of chemotherapy at the ripe old age of 23. Nausea, low energy, hair falling out … let’s just say it’s not an experience I would recommend.

Luckily, this was only “preventative chemo” because the doctors were reasonably sure they got all the malignant tissue under surgery. But still, it was unpleasant enough to give me an iron resolve never to repeat the experience.

That mental switch signaled the start of an epic health journey that helped me build some of my most precious habits.

How cancer improved my life:

It’s ironic how cancer ended up adding so many years to my life expectancy. Today, my lifestyle is so healthy that I’m confident I’ll never be sick again (my last sick day happened way back in February 2009).

Building a healthy lifestyle in today’s world with all its addictive temptations takes loads of mental energy. Without the right motivation, prioritizing this critical project above all of life’s other demands is near-impossible. Lucky for me, cancer turned out to be a pretty good motivator.

There were some lovely side benefits, too. For one, my health habits soon spread to several people close to me, visibly adding life to their years and years to their lives. That gives me great satisfaction. Hopefully, my sleep, diet, and fitness writing here on Medium also helped a couple of people.

Second, I needed to build many precious skills in the process of creating a perfect health environment in a world constantly begging us to self-destruct. These skills soon spilled over to wealth, productivity, and sustainability. By age 34, they had already given me financial freedom, the scientific publication track record of a retired professor, and a sustainable ecological footprint.

It’s weird, but cancer was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

The general benefits of a major health scare:

My story is far from unique. Many people who had major health scares end up making lasting positive changes to their lives.

I was lucky that my scare happened right as I entered adulthood. But it’s never too late to ride this motivation to a longer and better life.

If this opportunity ever comes your way, be sure to recognize it for what it is and grab it with both hands.

3. A Broken Leg

I’m not the world’s best curser, but when my fibula cracked during that ill-fated rugby practice session, I let loose a string of expletives that would have made Samuel L. Jackson squirm.

Luckily, the excruciating pain only lasted a couple of minutes. After that, I was whisked off to the hospital by the guy whose shoulder did the damage, and, thanks to the Norwegian healthcare system, my leg was already full of titanium screws the following morning.

As far as timing goes, I would struggle to find a better moment to break a leg. The very next day, my mom arrived for a long-planned visit from South Africa, so she could look after me for several weeks. More importantly, though, this shock to the system helped me make some much-needed changes that would have lasting positive effects.

How breaking my leg improved my life:

At the time of the accident, rugby took up far too much of my time — both through practices and weekends spent watching pro matches. Today, I no longer play and only watch the occasional big game with friends (like our World Cup victory 🏆), freeing up a solid chunk of time.

But the biggest benefit of this shock was seeing how the world kept turning when I was forced to take a few weeks off. At that point, I was involved in far too many projects and, despite being badly stressed and overwhelmed, I would have never taken time off out of my own free will.

That terrible cracking sound emanating from my ankle kicked off the long process of healing my relationship with work. Today, five years down the line, my working habits are fully sustainable.

The benefits of a major shock to the system:

Every once in a while, life lashes out unexpectedly and leaves us reeling. A broken leg is just one of countless possible examples.

When something like this happens, it tends to send your mind to places it would never otherwise have gone. Use this opportunity to question your current habits, priorities, and basic assumptions about life. Chances are you’ll find some major areas for improvement.

Final Word

Life sometimes works in mysterious ways. Handicaps can unlock major advantages, serious diseases can improve health, and painful accidents can heal broken relationships.

When the dark clouds are gathering, it’s important to keep your head up in search of those unexpected silver linings. I know it can seem impossible when your world is crumbling around you, but maintaining such an open mindset is a central skill in the art of post-traumatic growth.

May life treat you well. But when it doesn’t, don’t despair: Good things may yet come from your misfortune.