Nourishing personal relationships are vital for long term health and happiness. But bad relationships have the opposite effect, and average relationships crowd out the rest of life (yesterday’s post). 

Like so many other areas in life, a great guideline to follow in close personal relationships is quality over quantity. 

Today’s post asks a simple question: How can we recognize a quality relationship when we see one? 

Good vibrations

The first clear indicator of the quality of a relationship is the way it makes you feel when you think about the other person. 

Go ahead, think through the important people in your life. Those that bring a little smile to your face are probably those that are good for you. 

In more questionable territory are those that evoke a bland or negative response. You can certainly work on these relationships, but first, see if they do better in the next two criteria.

Coupled emotions

The next indicator is how much you feel for the other person. Does their happiness bring you joy? Do you become uneasy when they’re down, wanting to help in any way you can?

Think through the people in your life once more. Do those that made you feel good also do well in this test?

How about those that did not do so well? Maybe they just made you feel uneasy before because they’re currently going through a tough time and evoke some deep empathy within you. 

Trust

Finally, there’s your feeling of how safely you can rely on the other person. Do you trust that they will be there in times of need? Do you feel comfortable sharing personal stuff with them?

Take one last round through the people in your life. How do they fare in this category?

Based on our understanding of the effect that relationships have on health, the stress reduction potential of a few relationships rooted in deep trust can add many years to your life.

Where do you stand?

If you have a couple of relationships that do well in all three of these categories, you’re probably in a good spot. Cherish them. 

Someone who made you feel uneasy in the first test but did well in the other two tests may well also be good for you. Helping them through their troubles should be a nourishing experience.

However, if that person seems to constantly be in crisis, keeping you in a constant state of distress, you may need to make some tough choices… 

And what if you feel you don’t have enough good relationships in your life? Try asking yourself how you need to change to do well in these simple tests if they were applied to you. 

As an additional help, tomorrow’s post will share a few proven ways to sustain nourishing personal relationships.